Post by $heriff Tom on Oct 18, 2008 22:52:40 GMT -5
Well, today Dana and I took Emma to the Central Park Zoo. So its time to dredge up this look back to the last time Dana and I traipsed those grounds, back in 2002. Hope you enjoy this blast from the past.
circa April 2002.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
As many of you remember, we were all going to round up a posse for a jaunt to the Central Park Zoo last year, but the events of 9/11 kind of expunged that. To this end today I took Dana along on quite the scouting trip for a future venture to this hallowed ground.
We really do have to get drunk first, although when we all discussed this the first time it was part of a special "non-drinking day of fun." First off, the place was overrun with kids. There was actually stroller traffic. I was encouraging kids to whomp one another with their balloons and the parents were giving me wry looks. I got one guy real mad cause I was peeing in the low urinal and his son had to wait.
Check this out. At the polar bear lair some guy misheard the zoo lady and thought she said the bear weighed SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS. He turns to his friend and says, "700,000 pounds...that is a heavy load." Jesus! 700,000 pounds is 350 tons!!! The guy was off by about 699,000 pounds here! Then in the tropic area, which is like 120 degrees and makes everyone thusly miserable, there were kids screaming cause they were scared of the FROGS.
The penguins were the best. First time we headed in was during a feeding, which sucked ass cause people were in there just to watch penguins standing around on the rocks trying to get a piece of fish from some unusually ugly keepers in khaki shorts. The best time to go is after feeding when they are slipping off rocks, flipping around in the water, and crashing into the glass. The absolute funniest was this one FAT penguin standing on a rock in a Jesus Christ pose, arms outstretched. He outweighed every penguin in there 2-1 except for another plumper lounging on a rock to his left.
The zoo is very small. I have been there 4 times and every time I go to see the "red panda" he is never around. There is a carefully placed sign that says "he is shy and timid, and likes to hide...even if he is out, you may not see him in his tree." We then figured out that this is a nice way to say HE IS NOT EVEN THERE, THEY DO NOT HAVE ONE. Who is to be the wiser?
Other fine displays were a killer ant colony, all kinds of wack birds flying around, the omnipresent bats, a pond of turtles, and the lollygagging sea lions. They even have this one 30 year old sea lion. Considering most only live to be 20, the fact that this one can die at any time is almost enough incentive to go every day and see if it does it in front of me.
Speaking of turtles, Dana had a turtle once that "ran away." Uh...how the Hell can a turtle RUN AWAY?? You could give him a month head start and find him making his way through the neighbors yard.
The worst was while we were watching the polar bears do absolutly nothing as usual, laying there on the rocks like a couple of drunks, this "party group" ambled up, complete with a chirpy woman guide with a sticker proclaiming herself as "Professor Penelope." She started throwing out useless facts through some megaphone, so we beat a hasty retreat. I wanted to get as far away from her as we could, so we went all the way across the zoo to the childrens section, thinking we were safe.
After negotiating through a maze of strollers and now heated parents we break into the clear. I am busy laughing at some ducks and who do I hear....fucking Professor Penelope! This whole party ended up there with us. Damn it. It was some 1 year old kids birthday. He was wearing a frigging crown for Christs sake, totally oblivious to what was going on.
The childrens zoo section was a hoot. We got to feed goat looking animals and pet some sheep. There were some funny looking pigs to gape at. Then if you look away from the zookeepers you can see some potbellied farm pigs rolling around in thier own poo. The best though was a rope spiderweb that kids could jump all around on. Of course I was fixated as kids were kicking one another in the face, causing many staredowns between sets of parents, and totally coming close to completly flipping off the thing. I could watch that all day, many a bump and bruise.
I think it would be funny if like 20 of us go to the zoo - you will not be able to go to any section without running into some of the clan - it is mad small. Imagine coming around to see the bats and seeing Bald Ray and Phil in there tapping the glass. Imagine discussing turtles with Kwik. Imagine seeing Uptown Mike and Pops feeding a cow corn from thier hands.
Then afterwards we can walk a couple of blocks to FAO Schwartz and totally run roughshod.
Well, that's it. My trip to the zoo. Thank you for your time.
"Go eat out Mr. Met." Cactus James to Don Francis
circa April 2002.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
As many of you remember, we were all going to round up a posse for a jaunt to the Central Park Zoo last year, but the events of 9/11 kind of expunged that. To this end today I took Dana along on quite the scouting trip for a future venture to this hallowed ground.
We really do have to get drunk first, although when we all discussed this the first time it was part of a special "non-drinking day of fun." First off, the place was overrun with kids. There was actually stroller traffic. I was encouraging kids to whomp one another with their balloons and the parents were giving me wry looks. I got one guy real mad cause I was peeing in the low urinal and his son had to wait.
Check this out. At the polar bear lair some guy misheard the zoo lady and thought she said the bear weighed SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS. He turns to his friend and says, "700,000 pounds...that is a heavy load." Jesus! 700,000 pounds is 350 tons!!! The guy was off by about 699,000 pounds here! Then in the tropic area, which is like 120 degrees and makes everyone thusly miserable, there were kids screaming cause they were scared of the FROGS.
The penguins were the best. First time we headed in was during a feeding, which sucked ass cause people were in there just to watch penguins standing around on the rocks trying to get a piece of fish from some unusually ugly keepers in khaki shorts. The best time to go is after feeding when they are slipping off rocks, flipping around in the water, and crashing into the glass. The absolute funniest was this one FAT penguin standing on a rock in a Jesus Christ pose, arms outstretched. He outweighed every penguin in there 2-1 except for another plumper lounging on a rock to his left.
The zoo is very small. I have been there 4 times and every time I go to see the "red panda" he is never around. There is a carefully placed sign that says "he is shy and timid, and likes to hide...even if he is out, you may not see him in his tree." We then figured out that this is a nice way to say HE IS NOT EVEN THERE, THEY DO NOT HAVE ONE. Who is to be the wiser?
Other fine displays were a killer ant colony, all kinds of wack birds flying around, the omnipresent bats, a pond of turtles, and the lollygagging sea lions. They even have this one 30 year old sea lion. Considering most only live to be 20, the fact that this one can die at any time is almost enough incentive to go every day and see if it does it in front of me.
Speaking of turtles, Dana had a turtle once that "ran away." Uh...how the Hell can a turtle RUN AWAY?? You could give him a month head start and find him making his way through the neighbors yard.
The worst was while we were watching the polar bears do absolutly nothing as usual, laying there on the rocks like a couple of drunks, this "party group" ambled up, complete with a chirpy woman guide with a sticker proclaiming herself as "Professor Penelope." She started throwing out useless facts through some megaphone, so we beat a hasty retreat. I wanted to get as far away from her as we could, so we went all the way across the zoo to the childrens section, thinking we were safe.
After negotiating through a maze of strollers and now heated parents we break into the clear. I am busy laughing at some ducks and who do I hear....fucking Professor Penelope! This whole party ended up there with us. Damn it. It was some 1 year old kids birthday. He was wearing a frigging crown for Christs sake, totally oblivious to what was going on.
The childrens zoo section was a hoot. We got to feed goat looking animals and pet some sheep. There were some funny looking pigs to gape at. Then if you look away from the zookeepers you can see some potbellied farm pigs rolling around in thier own poo. The best though was a rope spiderweb that kids could jump all around on. Of course I was fixated as kids were kicking one another in the face, causing many staredowns between sets of parents, and totally coming close to completly flipping off the thing. I could watch that all day, many a bump and bruise.
I think it would be funny if like 20 of us go to the zoo - you will not be able to go to any section without running into some of the clan - it is mad small. Imagine coming around to see the bats and seeing Bald Ray and Phil in there tapping the glass. Imagine discussing turtles with Kwik. Imagine seeing Uptown Mike and Pops feeding a cow corn from thier hands.
Then afterwards we can walk a couple of blocks to FAO Schwartz and totally run roughshod.
Well, that's it. My trip to the zoo. Thank you for your time.
"Go eat out Mr. Met." Cactus James to Don Francis
