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Post by crazilyz on Jun 29, 2008 19:01:21 GMT -5
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Post by 9 on Jun 29, 2008 19:30:32 GMT -5
Champagne + ripple = Champipple! ;D
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Post by Jason Giambi on Jun 29, 2008 21:03:45 GMT -5
I was at school this weekend in Gainesville. There was a guy driving around ( i guess it's a guy, because I couldn't see his face) in a pickup that made Fred Sanford look proud. there was SOOOOOOOOOOOO much shit on the truck.
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Post by elliejay21 on Jun 29, 2008 21:47:00 GMT -5
Dana, you just have not spent enough time with serious ghetto drunks I am surprised you did not encounter Mad Dog or Boones Farm in college... they were quite popular amongst the underage females due to their fruityness and pretty colors, and they were stronger and cheaper than wine coolers...
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Post by crazilyz on Jun 30, 2008 8:47:08 GMT -5
Champagne + ripple = Champipple! ;D
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Post by crazilyz on Jun 30, 2008 8:56:33 GMT -5
All of this Fred Sanford talk reminds me of a time back in 1994 when I was hanging out with Sheriff Tom. We were at a spot on 7th & 24th and he was telling me about the schtick that he had going at the moment when he would walk down the street and start breaking out with the Sanford & Son theme. Didn't matter what he was doing; hell, he could be in the middle of a conversation with somebody and start with the song. It went a little something like this...
Tom (talking to friend): "So I stepped into the store and was picking out a few items (spots a hooptie) and I was de de de de de de de de de de de deciding between..."
As it turned out, there was a guy in said hooptie that caught on and got pissed at Tom and shot back something along the lines of "man, that's messed up."
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Post by Ms. Jericho on Jun 30, 2008 16:48:43 GMT -5
Any time spent with serious ghetto drunks would be "enough" for me.
And I didn't drink in college so I guess that explains it.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jul 10, 2008 8:31:29 GMT -5
This will actually end up being more a random observation than a set tale, but Ill start with a tale, using today as an example. Sitting on the morning train, waiting for 6:56 and the start of our jaunt into the city, and the driver of the train - some dumpy woman - goes jogging by with a coffee from the cart on the street. See, there are a lot of "train buffs" on the morning rail, and they act like this woman is a celeb. They gush and such. So she milks it, and peeks in our car (which is like 4 cars where she should be, and stay) When she does, everyone is all happy, like Santa came to town. They talk like long lost buddies, she waves to people waving like retards at a parade, stands tall and proud cause she drives the train which gets us in late just about ever day, and then she leaves. And I lower my headphones for a few just so I can hear everyone talk about how nice and cool she is. I mean, who gives a crap? ? Seriously, when this dumpy woman goes jogging down the platform with her coffee people press against the window and wave like the Pope is going by in his Popemobile. Then they probably go home and rub one off thinking about this lady steering the train on the track to mundane manor.
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Post by crazilyz on Jul 10, 2008 8:57:58 GMT -5
Seriously, when this dumpy woman goes jogging down the platform with her coffee people press against the window and wave like the Pope is going by in his Popemobile. Then they probably go home and rub one off thinking about this lady steering the train on the track to mundane manor. My visual on that reminds me of Aerosmith's "Sweet Emotion" video.
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Post by 9 on Jul 10, 2008 11:02:57 GMT -5
My visual on that makes me want to barf my egg whites into my trash can.
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Post by massyanksfan on Jul 11, 2008 6:51:07 GMT -5
Here's a random tale...
Yesterday, I was selected to "teach" one of our struggling sales agents how to sell. Basically, I have to dedicate one of my days per week to this guy until he can make his quota for the month. So I sit down with him yesterday and schedule our first day together. I want an extra hour before we are required to start our day, so I tell him, meet me here no later than 7AM, or I leave without you. It will be this coming Wednesday. He has the gaul to say to me that "Wednesday will not work for me because I play cards Tuesday night and it's hard for me to get up that early. The guys job is on the line, and he wants to play cards... Needless to say that I will be backing out on that deal soon.
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Post by 9 on Jul 11, 2008 7:16:12 GMT -5
I hope he does well at cards, because he obviously sucks ass at work.
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Post by crazilyz on Jul 11, 2008 10:12:19 GMT -5
I agree with you 9, that guy has fucking balls to say such a thing. The company is extending a courtesy to him by offering training and he's going to have the gall to be dismissive. I don't wish unemployment on anybody but this spaz will probably act surprised if he gets axed.
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Post by 9 on Jul 11, 2008 10:46:44 GMT -5
I hate my fucking job right now more than I ever have since I joined the work force, but if my job was on the line and someone was willing to help me ...
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jul 11, 2008 10:57:39 GMT -5
At my job we just lost two people in quick succession, of their own accord. One got married and up and moved to Hawaii, and the other just took a promotion within the company. Add to this summer vacations (guilty - I got two weeks starting now) and other people with the Friday flu weekly, and we are getting pounded into shorthand submission.
They are not backfilling the jobs either - which I guess is a sign of the troubled times - but at least our jobs are as safe as they have ever been.
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Post by massyanksfan on Jul 11, 2008 14:03:29 GMT -5
Relayed the info on to my boss, who said flat out that I have all the discretion I need to get this guy on track. Bottom line is 60 days and it's history for him. I also was notified that I will get an additional floating holiday for my efforts.
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Post by crazilyz on Jul 11, 2008 22:25:14 GMT -5
60 days is damn generous but is a relatively decent amount of time to show if there's any improvement.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Aug 11, 2008 8:21:04 GMT -5
So yesterday we hit up a family excursion into the city to hit the Museum of Natural History. I love that place. Anyhow, to juice up Emma the day before and sorta assuage boredom at the museum in the bud, we watch "Night at the Museum" - the camp classic with Ben Stiller, penned by Lennon and Garant of Reno911 fame.
Anyhoo, anyone who saw it may remember the big Easter Island head that says stuff in his bass voice like, "hey, dum dum, get me some gum gum, dum dum." And Ben Stiller snaps back, "Im not dum dum, YOU'RE dum dum" and so on and so forth. These catty exchanges take place throughout the movie.
So we are at the museum planning on seeing this thing, and Emma can go agog and pose with it and such. Along with "Rexxie" the cluster of Tyro bones, its a highlight for her. So we come around a corner in the Pacific Peoples rooms, and there is "Dum Dum" in the back.
....along with a cluster of like 60 or more people.
There are heaps of people lining up to take pictures with this thing. I'm like, ok, its an attraction of sorts. People take pics by the giant tree trunk, the ancient sculpture with the penis, things like that. But it still seems WAY too many people over there.
And yeah, its cause its "DUM DUM." There are people all about gushing about Dum Dum and taking a pic with him. In fact, when we finally get Emma up and done over there, on the way out 3 teenage girls go running past on the way to the thing, gushing over "Dum Dum" and how crazy cool he was.
Friggin' movie created a monster.
Funnier so, the movie was there in the gift shop for, wait for it.....$29.99!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the F?
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Post by crazilyz on Sept 8, 2008 13:26:01 GMT -5
One of the project managers came to me with a proposal that he wanted to use as a basis for another proposal...straightforward stuff. He has his notes and scribble in an assortment of places and asks if I have any problems understanding his stuff. I glance at it and flip through the collection of notes and as I'm doing this, I'm saying "words...words...words" before I told him that everything looks good.
He replies "words, words, words, that's funny."
I shot back, "it's a Beavis & Butthead thing. Your kids would understand."
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Sept 11, 2008 10:59:09 GMT -5
For some reason as I am slogging through reports here at work this came into my mind.
My brother Dave had this virtual world game where you were some sort of barbarian or knight, and you march around this kingdom and do stuff. Other characters are there. You can join their band, fight them, whatever.
Well, my Uncle Jim was hanging around at a family gathering while Dave broke this game out, and Dave was marching around. There is a tavern, and Dave stupidly tells us if you drink too much in the tavern, your reflexes slow, and your judgement is off.
Of course we all tell him to go into the tavern. He goes in and drinks. And drinks. We keep coaxing him to drink while he says its a bad idea. So then its time for his character is kicked out of the tavern, I think for 'singing too loud' or something.
Here's where it gets funny. You see the screen from your characters eyes, the landscape and buildings and other characters and stuff. And the whole screen is shaking, and blurry, and rolling around. Cause he's drunk, you see. It was hilarious. He was mad cause somehow he estimated it would be about 15 minutes before he was in fighting shape.
So of course other characters see him and rob him, and then another one comes over and kills him for no reason.
Once he set up a new character, he walked around and showed me other drunks walking around outside the tavern, stumbling around. You actually see them stumbling around on screen. So somewhere you have other guys at home playing who had too much in the virtual tavern. As it was a holiday or something with my Uncle over, there were probably other Uncles getting people to get their characters drunk.
So Dave points these guys out, and then he goes and robs a few and killed one.
Another funny thing about the game is when a character approaches you, they have the option to "check out your equipment." This means they are seeing your axes, or anything you may have to sell. Or they may want to challenge you to a fight, to take your stuff. Or they may see your "equipment" and choose to beat a hasty retreat.
Thats just funny though, "check out your equipment." heh heh.
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Post by Chris on Sept 11, 2008 11:07:44 GMT -5
I used to play something like this on the old monochrome monitor early home computers (Apple II, Commodore, etc...) called ZORK!
But, after a while these types of interactions become boring:
On the ground there is a stone On the left there is a girl
Pick up stone
You now have (1) stone On the left there is a girl
Fuck the girl
I don't know how to "fuck" the girl
(giggles)
Throw stone at girl
The girl is suddenly struck with a stone and falls dead.
FUCK YOU
I don't know how to "fuck"
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Sept 11, 2008 11:23:00 GMT -5
LOL!
I remember a game like that my friend Rob played. He was chased into a room and cornered while holding a torch. When asked for instructions he said to drop the torch. He was told the room would catch fire, and he would die. He said to do it anyway, and it did, and he died.
We found that very funny at the time.
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Post by crazilyz on Sept 14, 2008 15:24:06 GMT -5
At the house that John & I lived in before we moved to the Island, we had a mail slot in the door. Bo, our bulldog, decided that this device annoyed the royal shit out of him. Everyday, he would lay by the door waiting for the mailman to come only to go apeshit when the mail would arrive. The mail slot would lift and Bo would bark his ass off and then proceed to bite the mail. In fact, I got a birthday card with teeth marks in it.
Needless to say, the mailman didn't want to deliver to the house. Although Bo was inside, the poor mailman dreaded delivering to my house. One time he caught John outside and told him to get an outside mailbox.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Sept 30, 2008 11:03:23 GMT -5
So well back in my career here we were having one of those performance management tools which included HR reps sitting in with you while you worked. You know, to ultimately decide if your job was worth keeping around, although it was under the cloak of "seeing how the other half lives."
At the time I was a little more loose with how I had my friends entered into my phone. It was not Steve, Anthony Brian, or Marc. It was Gang Bang, Capone, Steroid Brian, and Metssuckballs.
So sure enough, as this HR lady is at my desk and I am clicking around one spreadsheet or another, my phone rings. Its Steve. Or should I say Gang Bang Steve. Cause here is my blinking phone, playing some rock song or another, displaying the words...
GANG BANG
blink
GANG BANG
blink
GANG BANG
(push the 'to voicemail button')
HR lady never said anything, but I am sure she had fun trying to figure out just who the Hell was calling.
As I type this I realize that although Gang Bang is now Steve in my phone, Metssuckballs is still Metssuckballs. Gotta love it.
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Post by massyanksfan on Sept 30, 2008 15:03:10 GMT -5
Today, I had an appointment with a potential client in Boston. while driving in, I had to pass Fag-way. In true Bleacher fashion, I saluted them with the finger. on the way out of town, I again told the that they were NUMBER 1! I wish that nature was calling at that time as well.
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Post by elliejay21 on Sept 30, 2008 16:13:12 GMT -5
There are pictures around somewhere of Brownstone taking a piss on the outside of the green monster, during my first trip to Fenway...
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Post by Ms. Jericho on Sept 30, 2008 16:33:03 GMT -5
I like how even though Metssuckballs has been introduced to Emma as Marc, I have still heard her refer to him as "Balls."
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Sept 30, 2008 18:01:56 GMT -5
There was a ballplayer some of you may remember, Rick Bosetti, who had a goal to piss on the grass of every ballfield in the league. Sorry, but that included Yankee Stadium. He said he would shag flies with his ween out, shooting pee. One of my favorite "nickname tales" involved 41. Someone introduced 41 to their parents or something, and they said, "wow, he doesnt look 41."
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Oct 16, 2008 11:01:41 GMT -5
LOL! LMAO!
Oh. My. God.
Someone just asked THE dumbest question I have ever heard, anywhere, and in any context. It was on an internal conference call.
Ya'll know Google Maps? Where you can punch in an address, and see a photo of the building / street / house?
Well, this doof asked, "ARE THOSE PICTURES IN REAL-TIME?"
Eh.....LOL!
Yeah...there is a camera in front of every building and every house all across the land, streaming live video in case someone punches up the address on Google Maps!
LOLOLOL!
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Post by Chris on Oct 16, 2008 12:11:52 GMT -5
It's not THAT dumb of a question. Those are satellite photos, not land-cameras.
It is possible (possible, not at all probable or practical) that each time a request for an address is made to Google, a message could be sent to the satellite and it could hone in on the address and snap the picture. Again though....not at all practical....so I guess in the en, I agree, this dolt should have known better.
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