Post by MSBNYY on Aug 25, 2006 13:17:03 GMT -5
Coney Island. July 26, 2002. Another weekend--another wacky road trip for the Bleacher Creatures. This time, we were all venturing to the fabled amusement park to watch our Staten Island Yankees look for their first ever victory on the road against the Brooklyn Cyclones.
Bald Ray was the coordinator of this trip, doing a money collection about 2 months ago. It was to be a small trip, with only about 60 of us going.
Clearly, this was going to be a fun weekend. Tom’s birthday was the night before, and a bunch of us figured that it would be a good idea to just take the Friday off so we can get to Coney Island early and enjoy all that the hot spot of Brooklyn has to offer.
I got a call from Tom about 11:30am telling me that he and Capone were leaving his house and we were to meet up with Baloo at the Blarney Rock on 33rd Street. I arrived around noon, and saw the familiar sight of Tom and Capone drinking their beer while Baloo was eating a hamburger and fries. We were waiting for Justin to arrive at 1pm, and then planned to head over to Brooklyn. As we waited, we talked about the usual topics. Tom professed his disgust over all the corporate scandals and how his portfolio has taken a beating in the market. He suggested that we put our money in safer assets like CDs or bonds. Capone turned the conversation to the opera, as he was hoping that the Three Tenors would reunite once more to dazzle the society page with another performance at the Met.
For a Friday afternoon, a hell of a lot of people were in that bar. But Tom correctly pointed out that it was lunch time. We saw a construction worker enter the bar to cash his check and have a beer, and noted that perhaps being drunk is the reason these people keep falling off buildings and into manholes. In fact, Capone brought up a story about how this one guy died by falling into a vat of chocolate. Can you imagine the look on his face just as he realized that he was going to die like that? Would it be fear, or just a look of disgust that he was going to drown in a vat of chocolate? Tom wanted to know if there was an open casket and whether as a tribute they all ate a piece of him. I wondered if he came out of the chocolate as a statue.
Anyway, Justin finally arrived, had a beer of his own, and we finally got on the train to Coney Island. Thanks to Baloo not having a token, we missed the train by seconds, and had a nice ten minute wait for the next one. In the mean time, just as the train pulled out, Tom saw someone in the window, knocked on the window, rolled up his sleeve, and flexed his muscle. Capone joined in the act, making Hulk Hogan muscle poses. The two looked like a regular Hans and Franz. In the meantime, Tom greeted various passers by with “good morning,” and “how are you?” in his best Arnold voice.
We get on the train, and Tom still is talking about funny ways to die, hoping he dies in a stupid fashion. He brought up a story about how these hawks drop rocks on turtles to break their shells to eat them, and how some famous bald Greek philosopher died because a bird mistook his bald head for a shell. Tom wants to die like that.
In fact, he even has his whole funeral mapped out. He expects a tribute video at the Stadium, where he will end up running up the stairs in Rocky fashion, symbolic of his ascent to heaven.
35 stops or so later, we arrived at Coney Island and met up with Domi. Domi had already ridden the Cyclone, and Justin was jealous, so the two of them went off to “ride the Cyclone.” Meanwhile, the rest of us went to Nathan’s to eat.
With food and travel out of the way, the six of us reunited and began the fun parts of the day. Our first true activity was determined when we saw a bumper cars area. $3.50 to get in, $1.00 to stay on. But the idea of six of us on the bumper cars was too good to pass up. Tom of course was drinking his beer, so he had to finish it before we went on the ride. In the meantime, we watched these other people driving laps and not hitting each other. It was annoying. Whenever someone did collide, we cheered. But finally it was our turn.
Compared to the driving niceness of the group before, we were nuts. Immediately, we were smacking into each other left and right, with Tom taking the brunt of most of the attacks. But Tom wasn’t the only victim. It looked more like a demolition derby. Justin hit me so hard, my hat came off. Learning the lesson, I then hit Tom so hard his hat came off. Capone was leaning into his shots, Domi was broadsiding people, and Tom was causing traffic jams. It was a great time.
Then we went to the Ferris Wheel.
After the Ferris Wheel, we tried one of those water gun horse racing games and Baloo won the first of his two stuffed animals. We worked our way around the area, and ended up in a video arcade, where I found a boxing game where you actually strap on the gloves and fight a TV screen. If the guy hits you, you duck, etc. The rest of the group caught the end of it and Baloo and Capone shared a game themselves. Capone had to take over because Baloo was too tired to finish. After that, I played again, and proceeded to pummel 3 guys with my fists of fury. Another important note was that Tom got on one of those children’s horse rides, and put in 50 cents, and enjoyed the horse going up and down. Tom proceeded to break one of the pins in his hat.
Shortly thereafter, Justin, Tom and Domi then went on the swinging pirate ship ride. Justin and Domi have no problem with motion sickness, but I could see that Tom got off the thing slowly, and was looking a bit pale. He had a look on his face of illness, and had to lean into the garbage can. But he just collected himself and did exactly what you should do when you feel sick.
Tom joined Domi and Justin on the Cyclone.
Twice.
Tom was not a happy man coming off that Cyclone. As Capone, Baloo and myself watched, Tom took about three steps and vomited like he was Linda Blair--right on the sidewalk. Strangely enough, Tom just shrugged it off, didn’t say a word, and kept on walking as if nothing happened. He took another three steps, and vomited AGAIN. With a confused look on his face, he kept walking as people near him began to run. Of course, those of us on the ground who knew him were laughing their asses off. I do have to give Tom credit. I never saw anyone puke so neatly. Not a drop of puke was on his shirt.
In true Tom Brown fashion, no sooner had the puke spewed from his body like the guy from Aliens did he notice a beer stand. He proceeded to immediately buy another beer and normalcy resumed for the good Sheriff as he washed out the taste of vomit with a Coors Light.
Domi may have come out of the Cyclone with his lunch in tact, but he did not come away unscathed. The Cyclone kicked the crap out of his cell phone, destroying the LCD panel and turning it into a Knoblauch phone.
Glutton for punishment, Justin and Domi then went on the Power Surge ride. They were spinning in every direction. And while they were doing that, I reflected back to the experience on the Ferris Wheel.
Some people are very good with motion. They can go on any roller coaster, or any spinning ride, make it through any boating experience, and not have a problem. I am not one of those people. I can only take a boat for about ½ hour before I start turning green. Same thing with jet skis, which I tried once. Okay, I get seasick on a swing.
But I saw all those movies with Ferris Wheels in them. Normally, you just go on the thing with some hot girl, the thing gets stuck, and you end up making out with her to the chagrin of that one guy that also wants the girl, who is pissed because you got on the Ferris Wheel with her.
I should have known when there were 4 guys in my car that what happens in the movies is not true to form. The damn thing was just supposed to go in a circle. I could look down on the world, and give Baloo the finger from a great height.
There were two choices on that wheel--Swinging and Stationary cars. Being a first timer on a Ferris Wheel, I didn’t know the difference. I thought swinging cars would just dangle a bit, while stationary cars don’t.
I was wrong. About halfway up, the damn car starts swinging violently. As rides go, it wasn’t that bad, but it doesn’t take much to get me seasick at all. I felt it almost immediately. Capone was scared at first, and the other guys were screaming like a little boy seeing a priest. I was too sick to scream at that point. A wave of nausea hit me like a ton of bricks, and for a time, I thought I might re-enact a famous scene from the movie THE SANDLOT. Tom, Domi, and Justin were in the front car, and Capone and I were in the back, so Capone noticed what was going on.
The wheel only did the swinging thing for about 20 seconds. When it stopped, the wheel kept rising, and I was fine. But I had to lean over to try and focus on a spot, so I couldn’t enjoy the ride. Obviously, if we went on the stationary part, I would have been fine. It felt like a simple elevator.
But we weren’t on the stationary part, and the wheel did the swinging thing again on the way down. I didn’t even know where we were at this point. I wanted off, but guess what? WE GOT TO GO ANOTHER LAP!!!! At this point, I had no problem expressing my desire to get off the ride.
The guys in the front should be happy I didn’t hurl as we swung the second time. I doubt Tom would have wanted a vomit shower. I’m not as proficient at puking as he is. In reality, that was never an issue. I was on the side of the car, and would have just thrown up over the side. Might have landed on Baloo though.
By the end of the second lap, I was very pleased to be off the ride. Apparently I was told that one of the ride operators was enjoying my predicament. I didn’t notice his pleasure at the time, but if I had, I would have made it a point to puke on him, even if I had to stick my finger down my throat like a supermodel.
I may not have hurled, but I don’t wish that nausea on anyone. Both arms were tingling like crazy. That was only the second time that happened. The last time was during a flight to Vegas, when the pilot didn’t know how to land. So if you want to potentially see me get sick, come on my flight to Toronto, next month.
Special thanks to Sheriff Tom for actually getting sicker than me.
So back to where we were. Justin and Domi got off the Power Surge. Glutton for punishment, these two were ready for more, and we walked to the next ride. At that point, Gangbang Steve had arrived, and we made plans to go to the batting cages.
On the way to the cages, we saw something that we couldn’t pass up—minigolf. There were two 9 hole courses, and naturally we played them both. Since our group was 7 people, we split up with Domi, Tom and Justin playing on one course, and Capone, Steve, myself and Baloo playing in the other.
Capone and Steve bet the golf fee on the game, as we golfed. Steve won by two strokes.
Anyway, special thanks to Sheriff Tom for actually being a worse golfer than me.
At this point, Lucy and Saudia had joined us, as we began our march to the game as we filled them in on our wacky adventures up until this point. But Justin wanted another shot at the Cyclone, so we stopped there first.
After the Cyclone, we finally began going to the game. Domi, Baloo and I went in first, while the rest of the group took their time and got more food. Apparently Tom met Lou Ferrigno.
The big promotion of the night was the Bob Ojeda bobblehead. I asked if the doll had ten fingers to the chagrin of those working there. Apparently, Baloo asked the same question independently. We also joked how we could put it in a toy boat and smash it. So we all collected our dolls, and I managed to sell mine for ten bucks to some kid.
Though it was tough to save seats, by game time, most of the crowd had arrived. Bald Ray, Vinny, Scott, Big Joe, Phil, Uptown, Tina, Grover, Dan, Old Man Jimmy and many more who I am forgetting were all in the house at this point.
The problem was--the game sucked monkey. No one cared about what was happening on the field, and we were in Coney Island. The funniest part was Scott sitting next to some stranger, and putting his arm around his wife. And they call ME Balls.
Considering all the fun we had during the day, the game just seemed like a waste of time. The Yanks were doing well, and were up 7-2 in the fifth, but despite that, we really didn’t care. We all seemed to get ants in our pants and began wandering the stadium. Steve and Dan actually had a race on the Astroturf field behind the stadium—a race that ended poorly for Steve as he slid into their home plate and scraped up his entire shin.
By the fifth inning, virtually the whole group was gathered behind first base, heckling some kids in the parking lot below. Talk began about leaving to go to the rides. Big Joe was dying to get people to go on the Breakdance ride. Given my experiences earlier in the day, I could not join in, but the Creatures were going restless, and the game was sucking, so we finally had enough and abandoned the game.
Quote of that part of the day. BIG JOE TO TOM: “Are you going to go on the Cyclone and puke again?” TOM: “FUCK YEAH!!!”
So we left the Stadium as a group, and began the trek to the Breakdance ride. On the way, we passed a Karaoke stand, and despite some thoughts of partaking (especially a desire by Capone), we ended up passing it up. The ever graceful Sheriff Tom managed to walk right into a garbage can and fall down. In the process, he bent the pin on his watch that holds the leather band to the watch, causing it to fall off his hand. Vinny fixed the watch, but the pin was still bent. In an effort to save Tom from himself, I ended up putting the watch on. I also took custody of Tom’s phone, though I let Grover use it to make crank calls to Black Metal Mike and Comic Tim. “Hello, is this Comic Tim? BE MORE FUNNY.”
We got to the Breakdance ride, and a whole contingent of Creatures went on the thing. Big Joe, Big Joe’s cousin, Lucy, Phil, Justin, Grover, Saudia, Vinny, Uptown and probably a few more I am forgetting were on this sick ride. These people were spinning in every direction, and the ride literally seemed to go on for about 5 minutes, which seems like an eternity. Grover almost lost his book on the ride, but got it back.
Then it was on to the Cyclone again. Justin had already tackled this beast 6 times, but was going for more. Surprisingly, a good chunk (pardon the pun) of people who went on the Breakdance ride passed on the Cyclone. But Justin, Lucy, Tom, and more went on the ride. But then a surprise occurred. Of all people, Old Man Jimmy was convinced to go on the Cyclone. The sight of a nearly 80 year old man (probably the only human being in the area OLDER than the Cyclone itself) riding that ride was one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. Jimmy went on the Cyclone and got a rousing ovation from the spectators. Domi also arrived late and joined the group for another run.
The best was that Jimmy actually went on the ride TWICE. It was great seeing him in the front row, and as if on cue, fireworks began as the group hit the top of the ride. When the ride ended, Jimmy received another ovation and we moved on to a second round of the bumper cars. And for the record, Tom rode on the ride four more times and did NOT vomit.
If I had to guess, I would say that one of the reasons bumper cars are so popular is because it’s a place where you CAN drink and drive, and those without licenses can actually get behind the wheel once more. The second round on the bumper cars was not quite as good as the first, only because there were so many more cars than before. That caused traffic jams which either set people up to get banged around, or just brought the ride to a stand still.
But one driver stood out by having an uncanny ability to not only get hit hard, but to cause the most traffic jam with his inability behind the wheel. Watching Tom on the bumper cars gave me a nice perspective of why he had so many accidents. This man managed to jam up 30 people by not turning the wheel. But he was enjoying the ride immensely, as was everyone else.
One notable event was seeing Capone share a bumper car with Old Man Jimmy. Of course that didn’t get any sympathy, as people showed no mercy. But people were smacking each other left and right. Tom was driving so badly that he managed to hit PARKED bumper cars. Steve smashed into me a few times, and all in all, there were some major hits.
We ended up going on the ride 3 times, and having a blast. We exited the ride and went through the arcade to leave. Suddenly I realized that Tom’s watch was not on my hand anymore. Apparently, the bumper cars took their toll on Vinny’s repair job and the watch flew off my hand without my knowledge. I returned to the ride and was greeted by a crusty old lady who gave me a hard time. But when I explained the situation the employees there helped out, and in a good streak of luck, the watch was found. I fixed the watch again, and somehow managed to find the others.
Reunited with the group, we proceeded to the go carts, where Steve and Taena were locked in a vicious race on the track. Steve desperately wanted to pass, but Taena would have no part of it. The look of concentration on Steve’s face was enough to know that he would not be denied. But Taena was equally determined. Finally, Steve rammed his car into hers, causing her to spin and stop with her car sideways on the track. The move caused the entire ride to stop, and got guffaws from the onlookers.
We spent the remaining part of our night in the batting cage as various people stepped in the cage at various speeds. A good time had by all.
The evening ended with one group leaving in Scott’s car, and another taking the F train, which took forever to leave the station. We all counted the stops we had to get to make it home, and Baloo was the winner with 51 stops. Lucy, Uptown and Steve slept most of the way home. Uptown and I had the same stop, and on the way back, we saw something you never see—a drunk Irish guy. He tripped over a sign post that was laying on the ground. He turns to us and says in a thick Irish accent, “did you guys put the bloody pole in the street? I know ya did it.” His girlfriend added, “don’t mind us, we’re from Ireland.” Finally Uptown replied, “if I did put the pole there, I’d stick it up your ass.” And on that note, Uptown and I went our separate ways, and the evening was over.
A great time was had by all. Sorry if I left anyone out of the column or any stories out, but I wanted to keep this thing short. By the way—who won the baseball game?
Bald Ray was the coordinator of this trip, doing a money collection about 2 months ago. It was to be a small trip, with only about 60 of us going.
Clearly, this was going to be a fun weekend. Tom’s birthday was the night before, and a bunch of us figured that it would be a good idea to just take the Friday off so we can get to Coney Island early and enjoy all that the hot spot of Brooklyn has to offer.
I got a call from Tom about 11:30am telling me that he and Capone were leaving his house and we were to meet up with Baloo at the Blarney Rock on 33rd Street. I arrived around noon, and saw the familiar sight of Tom and Capone drinking their beer while Baloo was eating a hamburger and fries. We were waiting for Justin to arrive at 1pm, and then planned to head over to Brooklyn. As we waited, we talked about the usual topics. Tom professed his disgust over all the corporate scandals and how his portfolio has taken a beating in the market. He suggested that we put our money in safer assets like CDs or bonds. Capone turned the conversation to the opera, as he was hoping that the Three Tenors would reunite once more to dazzle the society page with another performance at the Met.
For a Friday afternoon, a hell of a lot of people were in that bar. But Tom correctly pointed out that it was lunch time. We saw a construction worker enter the bar to cash his check and have a beer, and noted that perhaps being drunk is the reason these people keep falling off buildings and into manholes. In fact, Capone brought up a story about how this one guy died by falling into a vat of chocolate. Can you imagine the look on his face just as he realized that he was going to die like that? Would it be fear, or just a look of disgust that he was going to drown in a vat of chocolate? Tom wanted to know if there was an open casket and whether as a tribute they all ate a piece of him. I wondered if he came out of the chocolate as a statue.
Anyway, Justin finally arrived, had a beer of his own, and we finally got on the train to Coney Island. Thanks to Baloo not having a token, we missed the train by seconds, and had a nice ten minute wait for the next one. In the mean time, just as the train pulled out, Tom saw someone in the window, knocked on the window, rolled up his sleeve, and flexed his muscle. Capone joined in the act, making Hulk Hogan muscle poses. The two looked like a regular Hans and Franz. In the meantime, Tom greeted various passers by with “good morning,” and “how are you?” in his best Arnold voice.
We get on the train, and Tom still is talking about funny ways to die, hoping he dies in a stupid fashion. He brought up a story about how these hawks drop rocks on turtles to break their shells to eat them, and how some famous bald Greek philosopher died because a bird mistook his bald head for a shell. Tom wants to die like that.
In fact, he even has his whole funeral mapped out. He expects a tribute video at the Stadium, where he will end up running up the stairs in Rocky fashion, symbolic of his ascent to heaven.
35 stops or so later, we arrived at Coney Island and met up with Domi. Domi had already ridden the Cyclone, and Justin was jealous, so the two of them went off to “ride the Cyclone.” Meanwhile, the rest of us went to Nathan’s to eat.
With food and travel out of the way, the six of us reunited and began the fun parts of the day. Our first true activity was determined when we saw a bumper cars area. $3.50 to get in, $1.00 to stay on. But the idea of six of us on the bumper cars was too good to pass up. Tom of course was drinking his beer, so he had to finish it before we went on the ride. In the meantime, we watched these other people driving laps and not hitting each other. It was annoying. Whenever someone did collide, we cheered. But finally it was our turn.
Compared to the driving niceness of the group before, we were nuts. Immediately, we were smacking into each other left and right, with Tom taking the brunt of most of the attacks. But Tom wasn’t the only victim. It looked more like a demolition derby. Justin hit me so hard, my hat came off. Learning the lesson, I then hit Tom so hard his hat came off. Capone was leaning into his shots, Domi was broadsiding people, and Tom was causing traffic jams. It was a great time.
Then we went to the Ferris Wheel.
After the Ferris Wheel, we tried one of those water gun horse racing games and Baloo won the first of his two stuffed animals. We worked our way around the area, and ended up in a video arcade, where I found a boxing game where you actually strap on the gloves and fight a TV screen. If the guy hits you, you duck, etc. The rest of the group caught the end of it and Baloo and Capone shared a game themselves. Capone had to take over because Baloo was too tired to finish. After that, I played again, and proceeded to pummel 3 guys with my fists of fury. Another important note was that Tom got on one of those children’s horse rides, and put in 50 cents, and enjoyed the horse going up and down. Tom proceeded to break one of the pins in his hat.
Shortly thereafter, Justin, Tom and Domi then went on the swinging pirate ship ride. Justin and Domi have no problem with motion sickness, but I could see that Tom got off the thing slowly, and was looking a bit pale. He had a look on his face of illness, and had to lean into the garbage can. But he just collected himself and did exactly what you should do when you feel sick.
Tom joined Domi and Justin on the Cyclone.
Twice.
Tom was not a happy man coming off that Cyclone. As Capone, Baloo and myself watched, Tom took about three steps and vomited like he was Linda Blair--right on the sidewalk. Strangely enough, Tom just shrugged it off, didn’t say a word, and kept on walking as if nothing happened. He took another three steps, and vomited AGAIN. With a confused look on his face, he kept walking as people near him began to run. Of course, those of us on the ground who knew him were laughing their asses off. I do have to give Tom credit. I never saw anyone puke so neatly. Not a drop of puke was on his shirt.
In true Tom Brown fashion, no sooner had the puke spewed from his body like the guy from Aliens did he notice a beer stand. He proceeded to immediately buy another beer and normalcy resumed for the good Sheriff as he washed out the taste of vomit with a Coors Light.
Domi may have come out of the Cyclone with his lunch in tact, but he did not come away unscathed. The Cyclone kicked the crap out of his cell phone, destroying the LCD panel and turning it into a Knoblauch phone.
Glutton for punishment, Justin and Domi then went on the Power Surge ride. They were spinning in every direction. And while they were doing that, I reflected back to the experience on the Ferris Wheel.
Some people are very good with motion. They can go on any roller coaster, or any spinning ride, make it through any boating experience, and not have a problem. I am not one of those people. I can only take a boat for about ½ hour before I start turning green. Same thing with jet skis, which I tried once. Okay, I get seasick on a swing.
But I saw all those movies with Ferris Wheels in them. Normally, you just go on the thing with some hot girl, the thing gets stuck, and you end up making out with her to the chagrin of that one guy that also wants the girl, who is pissed because you got on the Ferris Wheel with her.
I should have known when there were 4 guys in my car that what happens in the movies is not true to form. The damn thing was just supposed to go in a circle. I could look down on the world, and give Baloo the finger from a great height.
There were two choices on that wheel--Swinging and Stationary cars. Being a first timer on a Ferris Wheel, I didn’t know the difference. I thought swinging cars would just dangle a bit, while stationary cars don’t.
I was wrong. About halfway up, the damn car starts swinging violently. As rides go, it wasn’t that bad, but it doesn’t take much to get me seasick at all. I felt it almost immediately. Capone was scared at first, and the other guys were screaming like a little boy seeing a priest. I was too sick to scream at that point. A wave of nausea hit me like a ton of bricks, and for a time, I thought I might re-enact a famous scene from the movie THE SANDLOT. Tom, Domi, and Justin were in the front car, and Capone and I were in the back, so Capone noticed what was going on.
The wheel only did the swinging thing for about 20 seconds. When it stopped, the wheel kept rising, and I was fine. But I had to lean over to try and focus on a spot, so I couldn’t enjoy the ride. Obviously, if we went on the stationary part, I would have been fine. It felt like a simple elevator.
But we weren’t on the stationary part, and the wheel did the swinging thing again on the way down. I didn’t even know where we were at this point. I wanted off, but guess what? WE GOT TO GO ANOTHER LAP!!!! At this point, I had no problem expressing my desire to get off the ride.
The guys in the front should be happy I didn’t hurl as we swung the second time. I doubt Tom would have wanted a vomit shower. I’m not as proficient at puking as he is. In reality, that was never an issue. I was on the side of the car, and would have just thrown up over the side. Might have landed on Baloo though.
By the end of the second lap, I was very pleased to be off the ride. Apparently I was told that one of the ride operators was enjoying my predicament. I didn’t notice his pleasure at the time, but if I had, I would have made it a point to puke on him, even if I had to stick my finger down my throat like a supermodel.
I may not have hurled, but I don’t wish that nausea on anyone. Both arms were tingling like crazy. That was only the second time that happened. The last time was during a flight to Vegas, when the pilot didn’t know how to land. So if you want to potentially see me get sick, come on my flight to Toronto, next month.
Special thanks to Sheriff Tom for actually getting sicker than me.
So back to where we were. Justin and Domi got off the Power Surge. Glutton for punishment, these two were ready for more, and we walked to the next ride. At that point, Gangbang Steve had arrived, and we made plans to go to the batting cages.
On the way to the cages, we saw something that we couldn’t pass up—minigolf. There were two 9 hole courses, and naturally we played them both. Since our group was 7 people, we split up with Domi, Tom and Justin playing on one course, and Capone, Steve, myself and Baloo playing in the other.
Capone and Steve bet the golf fee on the game, as we golfed. Steve won by two strokes.
Anyway, special thanks to Sheriff Tom for actually being a worse golfer than me.
At this point, Lucy and Saudia had joined us, as we began our march to the game as we filled them in on our wacky adventures up until this point. But Justin wanted another shot at the Cyclone, so we stopped there first.
After the Cyclone, we finally began going to the game. Domi, Baloo and I went in first, while the rest of the group took their time and got more food. Apparently Tom met Lou Ferrigno.
The big promotion of the night was the Bob Ojeda bobblehead. I asked if the doll had ten fingers to the chagrin of those working there. Apparently, Baloo asked the same question independently. We also joked how we could put it in a toy boat and smash it. So we all collected our dolls, and I managed to sell mine for ten bucks to some kid.
Though it was tough to save seats, by game time, most of the crowd had arrived. Bald Ray, Vinny, Scott, Big Joe, Phil, Uptown, Tina, Grover, Dan, Old Man Jimmy and many more who I am forgetting were all in the house at this point.
The problem was--the game sucked monkey. No one cared about what was happening on the field, and we were in Coney Island. The funniest part was Scott sitting next to some stranger, and putting his arm around his wife. And they call ME Balls.
Considering all the fun we had during the day, the game just seemed like a waste of time. The Yanks were doing well, and were up 7-2 in the fifth, but despite that, we really didn’t care. We all seemed to get ants in our pants and began wandering the stadium. Steve and Dan actually had a race on the Astroturf field behind the stadium—a race that ended poorly for Steve as he slid into their home plate and scraped up his entire shin.
By the fifth inning, virtually the whole group was gathered behind first base, heckling some kids in the parking lot below. Talk began about leaving to go to the rides. Big Joe was dying to get people to go on the Breakdance ride. Given my experiences earlier in the day, I could not join in, but the Creatures were going restless, and the game was sucking, so we finally had enough and abandoned the game.
Quote of that part of the day. BIG JOE TO TOM: “Are you going to go on the Cyclone and puke again?” TOM: “FUCK YEAH!!!”
So we left the Stadium as a group, and began the trek to the Breakdance ride. On the way, we passed a Karaoke stand, and despite some thoughts of partaking (especially a desire by Capone), we ended up passing it up. The ever graceful Sheriff Tom managed to walk right into a garbage can and fall down. In the process, he bent the pin on his watch that holds the leather band to the watch, causing it to fall off his hand. Vinny fixed the watch, but the pin was still bent. In an effort to save Tom from himself, I ended up putting the watch on. I also took custody of Tom’s phone, though I let Grover use it to make crank calls to Black Metal Mike and Comic Tim. “Hello, is this Comic Tim? BE MORE FUNNY.”
We got to the Breakdance ride, and a whole contingent of Creatures went on the thing. Big Joe, Big Joe’s cousin, Lucy, Phil, Justin, Grover, Saudia, Vinny, Uptown and probably a few more I am forgetting were on this sick ride. These people were spinning in every direction, and the ride literally seemed to go on for about 5 minutes, which seems like an eternity. Grover almost lost his book on the ride, but got it back.
Then it was on to the Cyclone again. Justin had already tackled this beast 6 times, but was going for more. Surprisingly, a good chunk (pardon the pun) of people who went on the Breakdance ride passed on the Cyclone. But Justin, Lucy, Tom, and more went on the ride. But then a surprise occurred. Of all people, Old Man Jimmy was convinced to go on the Cyclone. The sight of a nearly 80 year old man (probably the only human being in the area OLDER than the Cyclone itself) riding that ride was one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. Jimmy went on the Cyclone and got a rousing ovation from the spectators. Domi also arrived late and joined the group for another run.
The best was that Jimmy actually went on the ride TWICE. It was great seeing him in the front row, and as if on cue, fireworks began as the group hit the top of the ride. When the ride ended, Jimmy received another ovation and we moved on to a second round of the bumper cars. And for the record, Tom rode on the ride four more times and did NOT vomit.
If I had to guess, I would say that one of the reasons bumper cars are so popular is because it’s a place where you CAN drink and drive, and those without licenses can actually get behind the wheel once more. The second round on the bumper cars was not quite as good as the first, only because there were so many more cars than before. That caused traffic jams which either set people up to get banged around, or just brought the ride to a stand still.
But one driver stood out by having an uncanny ability to not only get hit hard, but to cause the most traffic jam with his inability behind the wheel. Watching Tom on the bumper cars gave me a nice perspective of why he had so many accidents. This man managed to jam up 30 people by not turning the wheel. But he was enjoying the ride immensely, as was everyone else.
One notable event was seeing Capone share a bumper car with Old Man Jimmy. Of course that didn’t get any sympathy, as people showed no mercy. But people were smacking each other left and right. Tom was driving so badly that he managed to hit PARKED bumper cars. Steve smashed into me a few times, and all in all, there were some major hits.
We ended up going on the ride 3 times, and having a blast. We exited the ride and went through the arcade to leave. Suddenly I realized that Tom’s watch was not on my hand anymore. Apparently, the bumper cars took their toll on Vinny’s repair job and the watch flew off my hand without my knowledge. I returned to the ride and was greeted by a crusty old lady who gave me a hard time. But when I explained the situation the employees there helped out, and in a good streak of luck, the watch was found. I fixed the watch again, and somehow managed to find the others.
Reunited with the group, we proceeded to the go carts, where Steve and Taena were locked in a vicious race on the track. Steve desperately wanted to pass, but Taena would have no part of it. The look of concentration on Steve’s face was enough to know that he would not be denied. But Taena was equally determined. Finally, Steve rammed his car into hers, causing her to spin and stop with her car sideways on the track. The move caused the entire ride to stop, and got guffaws from the onlookers.
We spent the remaining part of our night in the batting cage as various people stepped in the cage at various speeds. A good time had by all.
The evening ended with one group leaving in Scott’s car, and another taking the F train, which took forever to leave the station. We all counted the stops we had to get to make it home, and Baloo was the winner with 51 stops. Lucy, Uptown and Steve slept most of the way home. Uptown and I had the same stop, and on the way back, we saw something you never see—a drunk Irish guy. He tripped over a sign post that was laying on the ground. He turns to us and says in a thick Irish accent, “did you guys put the bloody pole in the street? I know ya did it.” His girlfriend added, “don’t mind us, we’re from Ireland.” Finally Uptown replied, “if I did put the pole there, I’d stick it up your ass.” And on that note, Uptown and I went our separate ways, and the evening was over.
A great time was had by all. Sorry if I left anyone out of the column or any stories out, but I wanted to keep this thing short. By the way—who won the baseball game?