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Post by CBC Guy on Dec 12, 2007 11:24:41 GMT -5
I was checking out some travel info ...trying to get some prices on my trip to NYC this summer. And I thought I'd see what it'd cost to fly out of my hometown instead of driving the extra hour to Toronto.
Usually I'm looking at about 300 bucks (return) and roughly 1 hour flight time each way but with the new departure city...
I could spend 500+ dollars and spend over 11 hrs each way if I wanted to....with stop overs in Detroit and Tampa Bay. LOL LOL LOL
why even offer this as an option?
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Post by Chris on Dec 14, 2007 12:11:29 GMT -5
The other day 17 of my clown friends and I were in the clown mobile towing the ferris wheel behind the back.
This cop pulls me over and says, "Where do you think you're going, Bozo?"
I said, "I ain't Bozo. I sure wish I was though. That man is a friggin' genius."
OK, OK, that wasn't MY random tale, but a random tale, nonetheless.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Dec 27, 2007 12:22:56 GMT -5
Check this out. I just get an email from Amazon, regarding an order I put in for a used CD. It was basically a shipping notification. This CD is coming from a record source, and the contact is someone named "Nibbles."
Eh, this is my shipping confirmation....I would have posted this sooner but I had to pick myself up off the floor.
HI, thanks for your order. Nibbles and his bunny brothers have taken your CD from our shelves, inspected and polished it with their whiskers to make sure it was in the best condition. They packed it with hay and they hopped on down the street to the post office to send off your package on this very day. Nibbles and his brothers can’t wait for you to come back to shop with us again some time. Thank you once again, Margaret /nibbles : ) P.S.-If you have any questions or concerns about your order, please e-mail us.
What makes this cutesy message even more flabbergasting is that the CD I ordered is pretty much gothic death metal.
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Post by 9 on Dec 27, 2007 13:04:11 GMT -5
Nibbles? For the love of God ...
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Post by Jackass on Dec 27, 2007 16:28:49 GMT -5
That is a gender confused message. It starts out, "Nibbles and HIS brothers" and then is signed "Margaret/Nibbles". We all know Margaret is predominantly a female name (Nibbles is gender neutral).
Stupid CVNT.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 8, 2008 13:38:46 GMT -5
Right here on Broadway, adjacent to our office, is a long fence running alongside the sidwalk. It blocks access to housing, I believe for NYU. Because of that, I am constantly looking up when I walk by in case another student is jumping.
Anyway, there is a sign blaring "anything locked to this fence will be removed immediatly." So, upon my suggestion, we are putting that to the test. We just took an old bike lock and locked a hula hoop to the fence. I will keep you posted on how "immediatly" the lock is cut and the hula hoop is removed.
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Post by jwmcc on Jan 8, 2008 13:51:23 GMT -5
Let me be the first to call malarky on this story.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 8, 2008 13:53:31 GMT -5
You can do that all you want, but you are giving me too much credit if you think I am sitting here making such a tale up.
Think of it, a sign like that on a fence like that screams to be abused.
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MSBNYY
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Post by MSBNYY on Jan 8, 2008 13:53:59 GMT -5
Given that you work for a cell phone company, I would think it is very likely that the people involved in this chicanery have camera phones. I would like to see pictures of said hoop and said lock on said fence lest I be the second to call malarky on this story.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 8, 2008 14:12:16 GMT -5
I was planning on doing just that, but I dont see the need cause I am aggravated that I am being called out as a liar whenever I post a story.
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Post by baldvinny on Jan 8, 2008 14:47:03 GMT -5
Tom is starting to sound a bit like Roger Clemens here.....
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 8, 2008 14:49:53 GMT -5
To be blunt, I am a funny guy and I know I am, and I come up with all kinds of antics and capers. What I need to start doing is keeping them in house, or sharing via email with those who get a kick out of it. Obviously people here on the board are not interested in what they think are "fables."
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MSBNYY
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Post by MSBNYY on Jan 8, 2008 14:53:50 GMT -5
Taking said pictures would certainly silence the doubters. You have been known to tell a tall tale and spin a yarn or two in your day.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 8, 2008 14:57:42 GMT -5
And I have also been known to provide laughs from pulling stunts like this for years. A lot of you know me well enough to know this sort of stunt is not out of my realm of things to do.
I dont need to prove what I am doing. I will simply not post it, and our post counts can go even lower.
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MSBNYY
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Post by MSBNYY on Jan 8, 2008 15:10:01 GMT -5
You are indeed capable of pulling out a guffaw or two. So was your lock removed?
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 8, 2008 15:17:14 GMT -5
As it were, yes. No one saw it being removed, I would imagine they had to cut the lock. That would have been funny to see. There was legit concern from the person locking the hoop to the fence that they could get into a lot of trouble if caught...obviously its a crowded sidewalk, so people are seeing this. Considering the person is a regular employee here, they could get ratted out, even if not spotted.
We'll see what happens, my next idea was the attach an empty plastic milk jug next. People are volunteering to bring in more old bike chains.
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MSBNYY
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Post by MSBNYY on Jan 8, 2008 15:29:37 GMT -5
Outstanding. But I do recommend the pictures for posterity. It would be funnier to follow the antics with the visual.
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little1
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Post by little1 on Jan 9, 2008 2:31:05 GMT -5
Here's a random tale for ya: My folks, who are the most honest, law abiding people on earth, bought a Japanese Maple tree and were carting it in their mini van to Syracuse to give to my sister. Suddenly they were surrounded by 6 state troopers and being ordered to pull over. My father, who won't even make an illegal U turn even if it means going an extra 30 miles, pulls over. They yank them out of the vehicle and slam them up against the van and give them a thorough frisking. Apparently these dumb ass cops don't know the difference between a tree and a plant! The damn thing was so large it was hanging out the windows and it has a purple color to it. Needless to say the cops were sorry after getting a 15 minute lecture on Japanese Maple trees!
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Post by CBC Guy on Jan 9, 2008 6:55:25 GMT -5
Um is there some american law I don't know about that would get such a reaction from driving with a plant in your car (rather than a tree?)
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Post by 9 on Jan 9, 2008 9:50:21 GMT -5
I don't know, but I'll bet there are more shells than Japanese Maple trees.
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Post by crazilyz on Jan 9, 2008 14:09:13 GMT -5
Apparently these dumb ass cops don't know the difference between a tree and a plant! The damn thing was so large it was hanging out the windows and it has a purple color to it. Needless to say the cops were sorry after getting a 15 minute lecture on Japanese Maple trees! Must've been a slow day. Leaves from a Japanese Maple Tree Maybe they thought they hit paydirt on these trees
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Post by 9 on Jan 9, 2008 18:04:30 GMT -5
Good work, Columbo!
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Post by Jason Giambi on Jan 9, 2008 18:34:42 GMT -5
i wanna hear more about toms fence capers.
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little1
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Post by little1 on Jan 10, 2008 2:23:42 GMT -5
yea, gotta love cops
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Post by sancho231 on Jan 10, 2008 3:14:22 GMT -5
thats some good shit to know, i have these maple trees all the time
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 10, 2008 10:41:36 GMT -5
I have had three different car accidents, with the same song playing on the radio. On cassette - the song "The Wish" from doom band TROUBLE.
I guess its not such an oddity, considering that in the timeframe of the wrecks (mid to late 80s) I played the band all the time, and the song is 11 minutes long, giving me more time to crash.
I remember the last time vividly. Route 231, on my way to school. I rarely if ever drank coffee, but for some dumb reason that morning I left with a cup, and jammed it in my steering wheel. Sure enough, making the first left of my day the wheel spins, and the coffee dumps out all over me. Enough of a mess that I realize I must go home to change.
Bad move. Of course now my routine was broken, which beckons a crash.
So I go home, change, and leave again, around 20 minutes behind schedule now. I am heading North on 231, heading for the Expressway. And then, in front of me, all Hell breaks loose. Multi-car wreck, cars spinning all over the road in front of me. "The Wish" is blaring on the radio. I was smart with these accidents, I had had enough of them to master the technique of spinning the wheel so I would go into a mess sidways, instead of plowing in front-first where I could seriously hurt myself, or others.
I cant recall if I was wearing a seatbelt or not, but my guess is no, as it was not law yet, and in 1989, a couple of years later, I wrote a scathing complaint in the college newspaper about being forced to wear one, as I should have the right to do what I wanted in my own car. But I digress.
So I spin sidways into what I think is the last car in line. This was a friggin EIGHT car pileup. And guess who was car #8? Me. Which later on allowed the following people to sue me through my insurance company
Car 1 Car 2 Car 3 Car 4 Car 5 Car 6 Car 7
I only touched car 7. But the way of the game is it goes right down the line, even though I think car 7 was done hitting people by the time I got to him, and I basically just knocked him onto the median.
So here's the fun part. The accident happens in front of a faceless building that I realize is an abortion clinic. So I go limping in there to use the phone. They actually would not let me.....I started yelling, and I swear it, something to the effect that there was an accident outside, "and you of all people should be well versed in accidents."
To make a long story short, I bullied my way into the phonecall. I then went outside, sat inside my once-again wrecked 71 Camaro, and started getting sick. Apparently my bell was rung, but I skipped medical attention, of course.
I am listening to that song, The Wish, now. Its funny, its about a guy who is on the verge of suicide, and he sees the light and finds the Lord at the end. It, from all accounts, is a heart-wrenching song. Considering 3 different times I was hearing it play as my wrecked car sat smoking immediatly following another wreck, I also find it heart-wrenching. And, considering no one was hurt in any of these accidents, maybe the Lord was the light at the end of that story too.
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Post by 9 on Jan 10, 2008 11:37:09 GMT -5
Three accidents with the same song? Personally, I'd sail that CD into the East River.
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little1
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Post by little1 on Jan 11, 2008 2:22:10 GMT -5
Seems my cop stories continue. Today, as I traveled to a part of Houston I don't frequent , I get pulled over. Ok, what'd I do now? This is my 3rd pullover this month!! Apparently it is illegal to have a frame around your license plate in the state of TX. who knew? certainly not I! I asked the officer if they regularly pull folks over for this since i'm pretty damn sure EVERYONE has one and the other 2 officers didn't say a word about it, or does he just not like the fact mine says New York Yankees....He must have hated the sticker! I got away with a warning to take it off....lmao no thank god he didn't see that japanese maple in the back!
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 11, 2008 7:52:22 GMT -5
Back in the day I was regularly pulled over for things dangling off of the rearview. The main offender was a rubber OVER KILL skull with bag wings. The going statement was not being allowed to hang things from there, which was total bunk, of course
The kicker was one night I was pulled over and lectured for the bat hanging, but not ticketed. Basically, I was being harrassed under the pretense of a "law" that worked at the time. But the bonus deal was a couple of hours later I pulled into the parking lot of the firehouse I was a member of, to hang out. And who comes walking out, but the cop who pulled me over, who was coming off duty. They used the firehouse as a posting point, to hang out for dinner or lunch, or to park. And there, hanging off his rear view was a big clumpy item I could not recognize, but could see from a couple of hundred feet away.
We exchanged smirks as he realized what had caught my eye.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 30, 2008 9:14:56 GMT -5
How bout some street hockey yarns. I think I blogged on these before, but who knows.
Well, in my younger years, street hockey was the go-to thing to do. Right there on W 17th Street, games would go on all day. People would leave, lunch, nap, come back, others would have shuffled in.
I was goalie lots of times. Some of the guys played on skates, I did not skate so I would park in the net. I was pretty good, but I followed a Billy Smith slasher model.
Anyhow, one of the guys made a couple of nets out of wood and twine. Really well made, but too big, closer to a soccer net than a hockey net. Made it too easy for the snipers, and ticked off already volatile temperments as my own.
Well, one day someone took a high shot, which I took off the clavicle. These always pissed me off, guys would shoot at the head on purpose. Well, the hockey ball bounced off, and rattled up and down basically right on the line. I swung the stick like a scythe and knocked it out of there.
And then the dispute started.
The other team started shouting goal, I was arguing otherwise, my teammates pitched in, and of course there was no ref. The argument was dragging on too long, and I got fed up with it, and finally walked out of my net and slashed the shooter pretty hard in the leg. He stepped back and arched his stick back and went baseball bat on me. We started a stick fight of sorts, then dropped em and started fighting.
We used to fight all the time, to where it would not be interesting to anyone else and play would go on. Fights would end when one guy would get knocked down, or the point was made, and the fight would end and both players would simply start playing again.
So we're fighting, but everyone has to wait cause I am the goalie and the net is empty. Fight ends but the argument about the goal continues, I hazard to think it would not have mattered cause the scores always ended up 20-17 or something, goals were easy enough to be had with those gigantic nets, and goalies like me more interested in chopping a passing knee with a stick than making a save.
So the guy who "scored" got so angry he storms off. I threw my stick at him and it missed. We laugh, and start to play.
And here he comes with a gas can out of the garage. As I watch in awe and somewhat begrudging respect, he douses the thick wood posts of my net with gas. He then calmly lights a match, and sets the net ablaze.
It was a wonder to behold. He flicks even more gas on it, and the net is ablaze, and piping dark black smoke. Its in the middle of the street so the danger was minimal, but it was obviously an attention getter of the worst kind. One of the players wades in and shoves the net over with his stick, and the force kind of muffles the flames a bit. At that point we were like, what the Hell, burn the thing. So he fully douses it, and it basically burns itself out after a time.
I am happy no one called the FD, it would be hard to explain that one away.
Another time an irate player got in his car and ran over our little Mylec net and destroyed it in a pique of anger, but thats another story.
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