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Post by 9 on Mar 10, 2009 11:18:22 GMT -5
Reminds me of the girlfriend of one of the Creatures who, gazing out at Cal Ripken one afternoon when Ripken had a black sweatshirt on under his jersey said, "I didnt know Cal Ripken was black." Oh my God ...
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Post by crazilyz on Mar 13, 2009 11:01:44 GMT -5
My parents weren't sports fans so growing up there wasn't a game that was shown on TV. They couldn't have cared less about the Super Bowl and Thanksgiving was the day of the King Kong marathon.
In spite of that, in the 80s, my mom accepted an invitation to go to a Mutts game with somebody. Gooden was pitching that night and somebody put up the K signs to keep track of the strike count.
First K goes up...she didn't think anything of it. Second K goes up...she's getting curious. Third K...she was ready to bounce because she thought something was about to go down until her friend told her what the deal was.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Mar 19, 2009 7:54:58 GMT -5
This was kinda funny, albeit in a "you had to be there" sorta way. It was an amusing start to my morning here in the city. Any of you who venture through Penn may know this old maestro looking guy with wild white hair who plays the keyboards tucked against a wall. He has creepy figurines set up on his keyboard, I think they are composer statues and such. He looks like he just climbed out of the crypt to play the keys in an abandoned theatre or a dusty church bell tower.
Anyway, hopping off the 6:59 to Penn I flip from podcasts to the old Random Play button on my MP3 player till I get my paper, then I put on my choice of the day. So I hit random play this morning, and King Diamond starts to play, a haunting song called "Sarahs Song."
There is this wierd harpsichord / keyboardy sounding part, totally horror music stuff. Of course this kicks in right as I gt up the stairs in the lobby and hook my left. Right in the middle of this chilling solo, I see this old dude hammering away at his keyboard, seemingly to the tune. It was so horror movie cool that I stopped for a while, to watch him "play along to this." It was kinda cool.
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Post by crazilyz on Mar 19, 2009 10:03:49 GMT -5
Some of the musicians in Penn are a trip.
There was a guy that used to play an assortment of TV theme songs on the recorder. About 10 or 11 years ago, I was heading to work one morning and he's tooting away on the recorder (might've been "The Odd Couple" or "I Dream of Jeannie" but that's besides the point) but that didn't stop two suits that just got off the train from duking it out. It would've been a hoot & a holler if recorder dude switched to the theme song of "Batman."
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Mar 31, 2009 8:48:54 GMT -5
You know, I was just thinking about how badly I would corrupt the innocent, or possibly put the young in a bad situation. Heres another one I recall, aside from the getting drunk with Gang Bang Steve and Big Tone Capone when they were like, 16 years old. If they were even that.
When I was younger and at home in Deer Park, there was a little boy across the street named Lonnie. Some little chub. I used to tell him tales of the "Land of Candy, Toys, and Little Boys" - pointing to the tracks in the distance. I would tell him this magical land was on the other side of those tracks. I swear on the Holy Bible that my intention was NEVER for him to roam away, and try to seek this land. It was simply to make him gape in wonder, and imagine this magical land. He would ask me questions about it all the time.
I realize now this could have had disastrous consequences, if he ever decided to leave his home and search for this land of Candy, Toys, and Little Boys.
So although my intentions were good there, I will admit we would screw with this kid, who was like 5 or so. Once we gave him a rubber dollar bill and coerced him to stop the ice cream man, and try to buy ice cream with it. Thinking back, where the Hell were his parents?
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Post by Chris on Mar 31, 2009 12:39:17 GMT -5
His troubles started long before he came across your path, Tom. His parents named him LONNIE for chrissake!
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Apr 21, 2009 15:09:30 GMT -5
Back in 91 I was living in Albany, NY, covering the Legislature for a newspaper on an internship. There was a tall building in town, overlooking the Governors mansion. The observation deck had floor to ceiling glass windows. People would say that someone could bust a hole through and shoot the Governor in his pool. I argued that the windows were pretty much shatter proof.
Of course when I argue people on the other side get all huffy, and it escalates. I decided to prove my point by taking a running start one lazy afternoon when no one was really up there, and jumping against this window. I figured I would bounce off, jam a shoulder or some such. By now no one wanted me to do it, because they were afraid I would crash through.
But after some lunchtime sustinence at a Washington Avenue Tavern, up we went. I took my running start, jumped to this glass like 40 stories up ,and sorta bounced off. Hurt my shoulder, as I thought I would. As soon as this is done I hear a yell, some guy comes running over. He was cursing and yelling. He worked in the building and was stunned I did not break through, as the glass COULD be broken.
Or so he said. Either way, it was not shatterproof. I bet I would shatter it now, back then I was lighter in the loafers.
That would have been a stupid way to go.
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Post by 9 on Apr 21, 2009 16:02:49 GMT -5
LOL @ lunchtime sustinence!
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Post by elliejay21 on Apr 24, 2009 2:23:32 GMT -5
Uh, T, you are aware that "light in the loafers" is a euphamism for gay?
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Apr 24, 2009 8:01:34 GMT -5
Back in the olden days it wasnt. Hardy once called Laurel "light in the loafers." Its yet another thing the gays claimed, like rainbows and sports cars.
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MSBNYY
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Post by MSBNYY on Apr 24, 2009 8:13:03 GMT -5
I don't know if you would be able to get enough speed to shatter it.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Apr 24, 2009 8:15:13 GMT -5
I did run about 15 feet, and leap against the window.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on May 6, 2009 10:29:27 GMT -5
So this was funny, and it just happened.
I was down a floor, talking to some stooge in their cube, facing out the window overlooking Bond Street. I see flashes of movement that draw my attention out there, and there is this dope skipping down the sidwalk. He was dancing , spinning around. He even grabbed a pipe out of the ground and spun around in what I would guess was a Sound of Music / West Side Story sort of move. He was just dancing all over the place. He gets to Lafayette Street, gets in the middle, and does some pump thrusts. It was bizarre.
He comes back and does it all over again. By now I am peering down there for a camera, wondering if he is putting on a show. But he just seems to be dancing for his own amusement. Not enough people are on that sidewalk to cause a stir, so he simply seems to be amusing himself, and me and my cohorts in Suite 300. He dances to Lafayette again, swinging around the poles down the sidewalk, then hooks a left and dissapears.
Weird.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jun 12, 2009 8:20:32 GMT -5
Conversation that just took place here in Suite 400...
GIRL WHO ALWAYS FORGETS HER DOOR PASS - "I forgot my pass...Im going to buzz to get in in two minutes."
ME - "Fine, Ill be buzzing to let you in in three."
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Post by Chris on Jul 10, 2009 15:19:41 GMT -5
A company who I contract for, is 10 days over due in paying my May Invoice. I just emailed him stating, "I WANT MY TWENTY TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" and attatched the youtube video of the paperboy chasing Lane Meyer for two dollars. True story!
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 14, 2010 14:55:38 GMT -5
So check this out. Well over a decade ago I was looking to waste time at my job, and tossing a roll of box tape up and down. I noticed a sticker on it with the address of the tape company - one United Tape Company in Cummings, GA, and foisted a plan to write them a nasty letter complaining about the tape.
In the end, I sent the handwritten letter, and they sent me back a box of tape in return, to make amends. The letter is off the hook. I kept a photocopy to provide amusement this many years later. Here is my letter to them, and their formed response. The fact anyone had to read my letter warms my heart, and will make me smile on my deathbed.
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Dear United, I hate your tape. It sucks. I dont know what you idiots are doing over there. I even got customers coming in here and pointing at it and laughing, telling me how much it sucks and how cheap i am to buy crap like it. Look, I ship a lot of things. I have no time for nonsense and I really think you boneheads should take a look at yourselves in the mirror. Id rather staple my boxes together or use rubberbands than use the crap you pass off as tape. Thanks for nothing. I hope your company folds. You guys are really a pathetic bunch of individuals. God your tape sucks. TOM BROWN RESPONSE FROM UNITED TAPE CO Thank you for your letter. We apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced with United Tape Company Products. United Tape Company has the highest quality standards, however no manufacturing process is fool proof, so we appreciate customers letting us know when they have a problem. Please accept this replacement as our apology, and our thanks for your letter. We hope you will continue to let United Tape Company serve your tape and packaging needs in the future. Sincerely, B Johnson
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MSBNYY
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Post by MSBNYY on Jan 15, 2010 9:31:11 GMT -5
How long did it take to get the tape?
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 15, 2010 9:51:34 GMT -5
That I honestly dont remember. My letter was not dated. But Ill say this, they sent so much tape back to me that my old company is probably still making their way through it.
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Post by 9 on Jan 15, 2010 11:30:05 GMT -5
An idle Tom is a dangerous thing.
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Post by Chris on Jan 15, 2010 14:51:58 GMT -5
Tom stole that gag from the Mark Harmon movie "Summer School"
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 15, 2010 18:27:44 GMT -5
Which I have never seen and, quite frankly, never even heard of until you just mentioned it.
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Feb 23, 2010 11:23:15 GMT -5
Conversation just heard in the office.....
Guy - "you never had fondue?"
Another guy - "what is that, Chinese?"
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$heriff Tom
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Post by $heriff Tom on Jan 19, 2011 11:44:17 GMT -5
Been spinning a fair share of WCBS-101 at the desk here at work, it sort of calms me down. Anyhow, took a trip to the mens room yesterday, and I was at the sink cleaning up and whistling that "Thats the way, uh huh, uh huh, i like it, uh huh uh huh" song.
So im whistling away and a stall door opens, and out comes our companies REGIONAL DIRECTOR. He takes one look at me, having stopped in mid-whistle, and says, "I dont trust a man who whistles "thats the way I like it" in a mens room."
Then we laughed and laughed and went on our merry ways.
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Post by Jason Giambi on Jan 19, 2011 22:43:35 GMT -5
he thinks you are light in your loafers.
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Post by 9 on Jan 21, 2011 21:41:08 GMT -5
LOL @ "light in your loafers!"
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